I remember you...

Today I thought of you when there seems to be saddness in the air mixed with anticipation for happier times ahead..there you were in my thoughts...you made me smile.

You were the one moment in my life where I knew that you were sent for a purpose, the one memory that makes me smile softly recalling the fond memories we created for the short time we were together. You came at a time when I was lost, where darkness was relief and comfort, where my heart was broken and still trying to heal and I was desperate to forget the hurt I was feeling.

Then you came, it started with a smile that led to friendly banter which led to a closer friendship and long talks at the balcony with you telling me 'I wish you'd stop smoking' but you still sat with me anyway.

I never realised during those times what others saw - could you possibly have feelings for me? I remember how could I entertain such a thought when you were...well...so beautiful. Eyes as blue as the sky on clear, sunny day, a dimpled smile that always brought such wistful looks from others around me, hands that were gentle yet strong as they held mine and a shoulder I leaned on when at times my heart couldn't contain the hurt.

I remember the day you bought me my favourite chocolates with a note 'eat these instead of smoking', the strange almost envious looks others gave me when you'd ask if I was on the same shift.  Then the day of confessions and shock arrived when you asked if I could take a chance you. I remember when you asked 'don't let the pass scare you for taking a step forward onto a different path'. I couldn't beleive, even to this day, how such a beautiful creature wanted to give his heart to me, to someone who was broken and wounded.

I remember your smile, the way you'd playfully tease me saying all I used my pager for was to page you to see me. I remember how you used to make sure, even though at the end of your 24hr shift, you'd come by and check to make sure I was alright and fed. I remember you were sweet that way, I was the envy of the ward every time you came and bestowed me your smile.

I want to remember you that way - I didn't get the chance to say 'thank you' for taking the chance with me and giving me beautiful memories that I fondly look back on, for being such a gentleman when we parted ways, for wishing me well and happiness. I never told you that you were the one that made me feel that I was constantly floating on a cloud for every smile you gave my way, for every time you looked at me with those blue eyes of yours, for everytime you held me and the way your kisses made feel so light on my feet.

I hope that wherever you are that you are just as happy as I am that you have found that other half you were longing for, that she's the one who makes sure you are alright and fed after your shift.

Though we parted, I know in my heart that it was the right thing to do, I'm greateful for the time we shared, I'm grateful that you made me step into the light and for making me feel that everyday you spent with me was a privilege - a girl could not have asked for more.

You are the one memory and one moment in my life where I wished my heart sang for you, but God said 'Toni he's not the one you are praying for'...he was right...I am with the one my heart sings, beats and dances for...

Funnily enough you were the one that made me realise that when I was standing at the cross roads - you said 'be with the one who will cherish you in all the ways you are ...' and the choice was clearer...

Thank you for showing me that even though there's a storm, I can still dance in the rain...

I don't wish for you or what could've been...I just remember you...